What Should Be The Role Of A Good Parent In Today’s World?

I love listening to different perspectives on topics that pertain to struggles I am having in my own life. I recently listened to a recording of an Indian yogi and mystic by the name of Sadhguru, founder of the Isha Foundation, taking questions after a lecture he had given.  One question really struck a chord with me.

So… what should be the role of a good parent in today’s world?

His response was one of the most insightful pieces of oratory that I had ever heard on the topic of parenting.  Having two young children of my own, I’m always questioning whether the way I go about the monumental responsibility at hand.

A parent is a very funny thing.  Parents are trying to do something, that nobody has ever really known how to do very well.  Nobody in history has ever definitively known what the best way to parent their children was.  Even if you have 12 children you are still learning.  You may raise your first 11 properly and the 12th one can really put you through the ringer.

So if you are trying to give it your best shot, what is the best thing you can do? Sadhguru went on to say…

Spend sufficient time with yourself.  Look at yourself carefully.

How you are.  How you sit, how you stand, how you speak, what you do, what you don’t do…

I think you must look at yourself very carefully because the children are picking up everything. RAPIDLY… and they’ll exaggerate EVERYTHING that you’re doing.

This really hit home because I see every little habit that my girls pick up coming from my lovely wife… and she sure as hell picks up every little annoying habit that I contribute to the pot.  It’s quite funny how it’s so much harder to see one of your own habits manifest in your child’s mannerisms than it is to spot those from others.

That being said, one foremost thing we have to work on is to at least make ourselves in such a way that we actually LIKE who we are and behave. Somebody else may not approve, but it doesn’t matter.  At least you have made yourself in such a way that you have a degree of self confidence. Maybe you can not raise your children to somebody else’s standards, and who even knows the kinds of standards that are set for you.  But at least you must become the way that you like the way you are.

That is a must, but that will only create the necessary ambiance.  It still doesn’t make you necessarily a good parent, but it creates the necessary ambiance. Creating the necessary ambiance is absolutely a large part of parenting.  A large part.  If you create the right kind of atmosphere of a certain sense of joy and love and care and discipline for yourself AND your home atmosphere, generally they grow up peacefully.

Of course you want to provide opportunities for them.  Unfortunately each of us can only provide an opportunity to the extent that we ourselves have access. You’ll always do your best according to your limitations, but the important thing is what kind of human beings or brats you raise.  For that, what kind of being YOU are is an extremely important part of raising children.  So if your wife became pregnant, it’s time for YOU to start your transformation. Now because another life is coming in and YOU YOURSELF might not conducting yourself in such a way that is suitable to be emulated. Becoming conscious of what we are doing and what is rubbing off on even our babies is extremely important.

What should we be teaching and what we should do?

Sadhguru had the following piece to say that I really liked…

I think one important thing you should teach your children is to always question everything but not with suspicion…  With a genuine wanting to know.

If we could just bring the concept into our children’s minds, that they can freely question anything INCLUDING US and the way you are; in a healthy way (not in a sick way questioning things because you think there is something wrong with everybody) the children will be constantly exorcising their intelligence.  That will not insure whether he or she is gong to become, a doctor, an engineer, so on and so forth, but one thing is clear. The curious higher intelligence is active when you do not stifle the innate curiosity. Of course you want to put him or her through the necessary physical activity to give a healthy body, but it is just as important to foster an active intelligence.

This next quote caught me off guard at first, but then made complete sense after I thought about it…

Try bringing him up without any sense of identity.

If you do not entangle his intelligence by being identified to this or that, then he is willing and open to everything.

If you bring him up this way, the best possible that he can make out of this life, he will do.  He may not become like somebody else, but he will grow to his maximum potential.

Of course along the way it depends on who he meets, what happens, what situations he gets into, whether he comes into a spiritual space, or he goes into a war zone…  Those things we can not control. Right? However we do have control over some circumstances.  You CAN create an atmosphere of love, thoughtfulness, and openness. When you do not (knowingly or unwittingly) train your child to be exclusively identified with any particular social institution, naturally there is no sense of prejudice and no grounds for being offended. When you bring up a child free of prejudice, in a loving very open atmosphere, GENERALLY they do well. Buuuuuuuut, there is no guarantee because there are other influences in the society. There is no insurance or guarantee. That is a risk that you are taking. Always.

The only thing that matters is if you do your best or not, that is all there is to life.

Thanks for taking the time to read through my latest pondering.  I am happy to pass along insights that I come across in my daily journey. Special thanks to you all that have the patience to read all the way through an article that isn’t just designed to grab your eye and sell you something. You readers really don’t get enough pats on the back! Until next time my friends…

Evolving a little every day, in any possible way.